Toxic Masculinity
I
have come across many instances of toxic masculinity, but one that has really
stuck with me was a conversation I had with some of the boys on the
cross-country team 2 years ago. We were heading back from a hard workout when my
friends and I noticed one of the boys had hurt his foot. I went up to ask
whether he was alright and if he wanted us to run a little slower so he could
go easy on his foot. He laughed and said he was alright, but his friends seemed
annoyed that I asked about it. They said something along the lines of, “why are
you making this such a big deal”. At that time, I was surprised I got such an annoyed
response and felt kind of awkward and that I had made a big deal out of nothing.
But then after a while I started questioning my reactions and realized that I shouldn’t
need to feel like I was being “dramatic”. I thought, “why do guys think it’s so
hard to admit that they’re hurt? What makes them what to blame it on others
being ‘dramatic’?”
Thinking
about it now I think that this situation is a really good example of how the
way people raise and treat boys differently from other genders influence the
way they think and act later in their lives. It’s evident in the way they are afraid
to reveal vulnerability and the way they think that other boys shouldn’t either.
This is also highlighted in Plank’s reading “For the Love of Men” when she
states this about the ways toxic masculinity can be found in everyday life, “It
presents itself in subtle ways, such as the way we raise boys differently from girls”
(Plank 2). When you intentionally pay attention to the tiny actions and expressions
of boys it’s scary how often you find toxic masculinity lurking in the
background. While the person who injured himself saying he was alright didn’t
raise any flags for me, because most cross-country athletes like to downplay
and ignore injuries, it did make me question if our cultural expectations of
boys influenced the way he responded. After I read “For the Love of Men” by Liz
Plank I realized that might totally be the case. As Plank mention in the text,
“Many men would rather place themselves at risk than acknowledge distress”
(Plank 10). Was he just downplaying his injuries because of the nature of
cross-country athletes? Or was he downplaying his injuries because “real men”
don’t hurt and don’t complain about injuries? Thanks for reading!
- Bridget
Great post Bridget! I really like how you connected your personal experience to many of the points in Plank's readings. I think it's important that you called attention to this experience, because although it may feel small at the time, the fact that you're still thinking about it now shows that it has some nuance to it. It definitely is possible that this small interaction was a product of toxic masculinity.
ReplyDeleteHi Bridget, this is an insightful blog post! It's kind of crazy how often the microaggressions of toxic masculinity from one man to another can get swept under the rug and forgotten about. It is difficult that in reading your blog post, I had scenarios like this come to mind. This shows how prevalent toxic masculinity and the raising of boys to avoid being perceived as "weak" is in our society. I like how you touched on your questioning of if the boy reacted the way he did simply because he was a cross-country runner or if there was a more deep-rooted issue at hand. It can be hard to read situations and decipher if they are true instances of toxic masculinity or men just existing in the group that they are in. Regardless, there should not have to be this questioning, as toxic masculinity shouldn't be something that is taught.
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