Minding the Gap
CW: mentions sexual
harassment and domestic and sexual abuse
When
we watched Minding the Gap I cried. I can’t say that there was one
specific moment that made me feel sad. It was the combination of multiple scenes
that complicated our everyday understanding of domestic abuse and sexual violence
that really moved me. Minding the Gap doesn’t portray abusive
relationships in the stereotypical, “I’m being abused but I can just leave”
type of way. When you love someone, have children with them, or when you’re
financially tied to someone it can be extremely hard to leave them. When you
then continue to stay with your abusive partner or family member tolerance line
will also be pushed back each time. Your line could change from “he didn’t hit
me today” to “at least I don’t have to go to the ER this time”. This is
something media romanticizes and often times oversimplifies.
One
of the most impactful and emotional scenes for me was when Liu Bing’s mom was talking
to him about her experiences with their abusive stepfather. Liu filmed this
scene in a way that felt so personal and real. I was able to see the emotion in
Liu’s mom’s eyes, and in a weird way she spoke out to a lot of my innermost
feelings.
Winter
2018 someone close to me touched me. Honestly speaking that whole 15 minutes
was a blur to me. I just remember walking into the dark band room to grab my
instrument before leaving when he approached me. From there it kind of blanks
out and I remember him touching me and me not wanting it, but not knowing what
to do. They taught us about this in health class, how to say no, how to resist,
but when it came to real deal I literally froze. I was just standing there
shaking my head and trying to get him to stop. It wasn’t even bad compared to
so many of the experiences other people have faced, but for barely 13-year-old
me it was traumatizing. After it happened I remember crying all night and not
knowing what to do or what to feel. It was the raw and emotional way that Liu’s
mom talked about her emotions that spoke out to so many of my most hidden thoughts
and feelings of surprise, confusion, hurt, and betrayal. Minding the Gap is
a good example of media that doesn’t oversimplify or romanticize leaving or
living in an abusive relationship. It’s important for people to realize that abuse,
harassment, violence, etc… is different for everyone and that leaving or “saying
no” sounds easy to an outsider but can be very different when you’re standing
on the inside. Thanks for reading!
- Bridget
Bridget, thank you for sharing your story, and for having the courage to do so. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think your post really emphasizes the importance of realizing that there is no one (stereotypical) way that these situations can go in and that its different from person to person. The scene with Liu Bing's mom also hit me and I can recall a moment where someone was talking about how they considered being hit by their father was an action of love and care, even though it is completely wrong. Those moments spoke out to me personally and it also made me cry. I agree that Minding the Gap (supposed to be italicized) is a good example of what leaving or living in an abusive relationship is really like and that it is not just one story. That being said, I'm always here for you if you need me.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard to teach about these situations because like you said, we show students what to do, but it's very hard to think in the moment. We know about fight or flight, but there's also freeze, and it's what happens to a lot of us. I'm glad that documentaries like Minding the Gap bring to light these types of situations and how they're often not as easy as media makes them out to be.
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